7 – Sofia 7

A LOCAL GROUP CONVENES from Anne Ashworth (Blackpool) It won't be difficult to start a local group, we were told at the Leicester conference. I wondered, though, even as we gathered a list of north west names. The addresses looked so widely scattered, the list so short. What's more, 'they' assured us, you won't need an agenda. People will have plenty to say, and one thing leads to another. I, for one, was sceptical enough to take with me to the first meeting a discussion paper and the latest books by Keith Ward and Don Cupitt.

I need not have worried. Twelve eager talkers met in the Friends Meeting House at Wilmslow, and discussion was under way before the coats were removed.

Moreover, seven others had signified their interest even though unable to attend on that occasion.

We sat round a table, unpacked our sandwiches, accepted cups of tea. The table didn't get cleared : instead we kept brewing fresh tea while the cups were dirty, for the discussions were too absorbing to leave. At last, after more than four and a half hours, we called a halt until next time.

What a luxury it had been, after those shortlived buzz groups at the conferences, to have time to be expansive ! Once at the outset, once in midafternoon, we went systematically round the table allowing each person his or her say. Between times it was a free for all, but everyone was heard - and listened to. And what a diversity of people : all ages, all psychological types. Four were Anglicans 'by the skin of their teeth'; four were URC, one 'struggling'; others were ex-Methodist, ex-Quaker, a new Quaker and a Scottish Episcopalian. Four were men ; one was ordained. Two were theology students. We came from as far north as Glasgow, as far south as Glossop, with other addresses ranging from Blackpool in the west to Skipton in the east.

So what did we talk about for four and a half hours ?

I cannot cover it all in a paragraph. The conference, yes, but much more. Is Cupitt right to put language first - chronologically first, before experience ? Or do some people look to religion for words to express non-verbal experience ? Are there different approaches from artists, scientists and those from admittedly word-based subjects ? What could be the contributions to post-theistic religion of the active and the contemplative ? (Here we stumbled a little over the ironically pejorative use of 'activist' to denote one who talks more than acts.) What, if anything, can be said about the Decade of Evangelism ? Those who had read Cupitt's Whatis a story and Ward's A vision 10 pursue described the books, and the group resolved that all participants should if possible read one or the other or both for the next meeting.

Such are the themes I recall : others, no doubt, would report differently on the discussion. Certainly it provided food for thought for everyone. Or, to change the metaphor - we had each glimpsed several other routes for this difficult but fascinating quest : a north west passage on the sea of faith.

— Anne Ashworth, Blackpool

DIVORCE from Stephen Broughton (Ipswich) There is a very interesting book called Urmoitpling by Diane Vaughan (Methuen) which traces common patterns in how people make transitions out of intimate relationships. Both partners must go through all the same stages but they begin and end at different times for each. One is the initiator, the other the partner who is left behind. A person's attitude to divorce must therefore reflect at what point they are in this process and if they are fortunate enough not to be involved then it is hard to see how they are qualified to comment. One's outlook on moral issues must reflect one's own standpoint. There are no moral absolutes for a radical.

I was divorced eight years ago and as a solicitor I am frequently confronted by the maritally distressed.

Having read Uncoupling it is interesting to see how oneself uncoupled and at what point in the process others are. At the point I see most people they are anxious to justify their own behaviour, to gain sympathy and to characterise their partner as an 4 SOF Magazine 7, Autumn 1991 intolerable beast. At the same time as my client is with me, their partner will be telling the same story to another solicitor. Neither story can resemble 'the truth' whatever that may be.

I have to feel therefore that moral judgements as to whether divorce in general, or a particular divorce, is either right or wrong is an irrelevant issue. It just happens and is unavoidable. You cannot go on living together and you need love in your life, even if that has to come from someone else. But a promise is a promise and what I find inexcusable and damaging is the negative attitudes, the hatred and bitterness that destroys people's lives after divorce. However badly you feel you have been treated I believe you are committed to behave in a positive way to your (former) partner til death you do part. This can save children from being too badly damaged.

As a radical I find the marriage service out of place in a religious context as I do divorce. I think this has caused the moral dilemma which people perceive to exist but which I find irrelevant. Marriage is a legal issue as is divorce. We have to demythologize matrimony and it troubles me that by rejecting religion we have in society a baby-and-bathwater situation.

That because there is no God there is nothing 'special' about marriage. I think there is. If one has felt sufficiently about a person at a particular time to make a public declaration of commitment then, as a lawyer, I have to say there is a binding contract unless there is what lawyers call a "fundamental breach" or the well-known situations which give rise to annulment. But, as with many contracts it may need to be renegotiated.

In short I agree with Elizabeth Burns that we should not criticise divorcees - I would not add "without knowing their circumstances" but I would criticise their breach of promise when their subsequent conduct damages themselves, their partner, their children and society. As Don Cupitt said, we should look upon religion as a therapy and the greatest therapy is forgiveness.

— Stephen Broughton, Ipswich