‘As one goes on, it is the things one doesn’t believe, and finds one doesn’t have to believe, which are as liberating as the things one does.’ – John Robinson, Bishop of Woolwich, Honest to God.
I first came across the quotation above in the 1965 book The Christian Agnostic by Dr Leslie D. Weatherhead, who was then, at the time of writing, the Methodist Minister-Emeritus, The City Temple, London.
I was born and brought up in the Methodist Church and like a piece of rock if you were to snap me in half I have Methodism running through me. I was brought up on a diet of the two great Methodist Ministers, Donald Soper and Leslie Weatherhead; even as I write this paper a framed picture of Weatherhead keeps a watchful eye over my scribbling.
You may now be wondering how someone brought up in this fairly traditional way is now as a member of SOF? Well, it’s not such a great leap as one may imagine, for whilst these Ministers were traditional in practice they were anything but in theology – strikingly so, in the case of Weatherhead. For Weatherhead’s preaching (I have only books of his sermons and his preaching now on CD) was like a break from the past and a finding of new ground, an exploration into psychology.
So, looking back reflectively, my early childhood to young adulthood theology was certainly not evangelical and has in time served me well. However it’s been anything but settled waters in respect of my relationship with the church.
Following A-Levels I decided to read theology at the University of Birmingham; they say of theology it can make or break you. For some students this was painfully the case. However, I found my lectures to be liberating, and it was during my studies that I discovered the writings of Don Cupitt. My discovery came about whilst reading a book by Richard Holloway who happened to reference DC. I explored further: the first book I purchased was The Sea of Faith and this was, as Richard Holloway had said, like a ‘theistic methadone’.
However, I felt back then, as I still do some twenty years on, a deep reverence, if not quite such a connection, to the church. In 1997 I applied for ministry within the Church of England, as I’d been attending the Anglican Church whilst at university. I was assigned a Diocesan Director of Ordinands and together we explored my ‘calling’. I was very open about what were then my explorations within SOF. Diocesan selection was passed and onto the national three-day selection conference.
I was never told why I didn’t get recommended for further training in ministry, but my DDO suspected that, whilst he felt it was my ‘calling’ to challenge people’s faith, unfortunately two of the three selectors who interviewed me were of evangelical backgrounds and thought differently. Eighteen years on my theological views remain much the same and I now find myself working successfully as a funeral celebrant / chaplain.
How do I view God? Well, I remain revisionist in my theology. I do not presume to ‘know’ there is no God, and to that end I take a very ‘Derrida’ approach; one can as a being believe in a presence that is ‘beyond being’ but to do so (and you will have noticed already the contradiction) this is to ‘believe as an atheist’ to accept something beyond the epistemic horizon – for as Derrida has said, believing in ‘a presence beyond our being’ actually requires some atheism.
So, I remain an active member within the Network because SOF keeps the conversation fluid, it continues to challenge. The Birmingham group of which I am a part allows me the freedom to explore; it’s a safe place to ask questions and think aloud. These words of Weatherhead seem appropriate, on which to conclude:
‘Sit down quietly with the outer door on the latch…’
For me, honesty in thought, liberal and progressive thinking, requires the door always to be on the latch – never closed!
Simon Mapp, Tamworth