I cannot reverse the Legislation which allows same sex partners to be ‘married’, an extension of Civil Partnerships first allowed in 2004. The Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013 has allowed this since 2014. Some couples may see this last as a less ‘cold’ and formal arrangement, preferring the perceived social status of ‘marriage’. At one level this does not bother me, (‘live and let live’) and I could learn to dismiss it as a mere matter of semantics. But must its provisions be automatically embraced by religious communities through the offer of Same Sex Weddings? What of their own long-held traditions and beliefs?
I realise that in our increasingly PC-driven C of E., as elsewhere, I am tempting fate by venturing to express a disquiet that dare not speak its name. So, let me quickly throw in some old chestnuts, proclaiming both that ‘I’m not Homophobic, but…’ and that ‘I am on the best of terms with a number of gay couples’. Some of you may suspect both, and feel that, anyway, neither gives me licence to question things.
The Salvation Army, in a positional statement on Marriage (2011) suggest that ‘human imperfection and sinfulness’ may make it difficult to reach the goal of lifelong faithfulness and that the Christian ideal of marriage is compromised by…[amongst other things] same-sex partnerships and polygamy.’ They are not alone in having reservations. The C of E, Methodists, and Catholics all oppose church-based same-sex weddings, though are less strident in their disapproval, which seems perhaps to flag-up a more general aversion by the Salvationists to any same sex partnerships, Civil or otherwise? All cling on to a traditional interpretation of the sacrament of marriage, (narrow if you like) but I feel that they ought to be allowed to.
The call for same-sex ceremonies by the C.of E. and others is all about acceptance, I guess, and satisfying a wish on the part of the gay community for equal recognition in all walks of life. But they have mostly achieved this already, surely? I know at least two couples in Civil Partnerships where one partner is a Clergy person (thus right inside the Church Establishment) but who see no need of a Church Wedding, and so do not themselves push for change. They waited many years for the public (and legal) recognition of their relationship afforded by Civil Partnership. Now they have this, they say, it is enough.
I wonder why I am moved to write this piece at all. Most of the capitulations of society and, within it, the Church in which I grew up do not really distress me. But I do feel hurt, for some reason, by what I see as an insidious ‘creep’ allowing little room for questioning or challenge; an inevitable-seeming slide which, ultimately, will allow that ‘anything goes’! Indeed, some forms of change within the C.of E. have been appropriate, such as the long-overdue creation of women priests (and thereby bishops). I happily number many women priests amongst my friends (my own wife included). However, I do feel protective, on behalf of the more conservative wing of the Church, about certain traditions and meanings.
The gay community have revelled in each new freedom; celebrated via enthusiastic annual parades through almost every major city. Whilst I appreciate that many have been hard-won over the years and there must be some satisfaction at each victory, their fiercest enemies, both personal and institutional, are mostly long gone. I hope I regard all people as equals, ‘regardless of their race, sex, disability, religion/belief, sexual orientation or age’ as the ads all say. As a result I dislike positive discrimination of any kind, such as in all-women shortlists, coloured sections in associations and so on. For myself, I feel no need to join parades in celebration of the non-gay.
By tradition, a church wedding entails agreement between a man and a woman, usually holding out the promise of offspring and thus renewal and growth of the Christian family from each generation to the next. As same sex couples are not able to meet these criteria, then I feel that they must accept this as one particular badge they cannot earn, and Christian Churches should not be forced to award it.
Please remember, ‘I am on the best of terms with a number of gay couples’ … or was.
John Pearson is a semi-retired lecturer at Northumbria University and Chair of SOF trustees.